lions, stories, and facts… oh my.

i live in boulder, colorado. nestled up against the foothills of the rocky mountains. and with mountains, comes mountain wildlife.

people here regularly encounter bear, deer, elk, and even the occasional moose. but there’s one animal that strikes fear into the hearts of hikers and bikers more than most: the elusive mountain lion.

here’s the story of my lion encounter, and why i use it all the time as an example of the difference between facts and stories in my coaching practice.

lion at first sight

a few years back, i found myself walking home after a night out - good dinner, a few margaritas, and connecting with my community. as i walked by a common downtown alley, i looked to my left, and froze.

oh. shit.

that’s a big cat lying in the middle of the alleyway. like, a really big cat.

first thought that went through my mind as i stood on that quiet intersection? i’ve never seen a mountain lion in real life. so, i stood for a moment and watched.

it didn’t move, but kept laser focus on the opposite end of the alley. i assumed that it was watching a raccoon, or a bunny, or some other form of dinner (hey, i had mine, why shouldn’t it get a good meal too?).

as i warned a few passersby to steer clear, i noticed my mind get curious - could i get a little closer? so, padding along in my quiet flip flops, i timidly struck out towards the beast. i did make enough noise to try and let it know i was approaching, no surprises needed for either of us in this situation.

and then i noticed something… different.

are mountain lions supposed to have stripes? (in the moment, i honestly couldn’t remember.)

then i noticed it wasn’t breathing. i threw a rock. got closer. and heard the cackle of college kids streaming from a nearby apartment patio.

i had just ninja-snuck-up-on a giant stuffed tiger, carefully placed in the shadow of a telephone pole. i’d taken the bait. damnit.

don’t cross your stories w/ facts

in that moment, i’d committed one of the biggest errors humans come across when processing information - i took in some facts, and assumed that my story about them was absolutely true. that large, cat-shaped object sitting in the alley? that is 100% a big ol’ nasty mountain lion.

see, we take in concrete facts all the time - the words someone said or typed in chat, the expression on someone’s face, today’s daily sales numbers, and more - and then our brains assign meaning and interpretation to those facts. we make up stories, assumptions, judgements, and conclusions to help make sense of (or question) the facts.

this is 100% a normal and helpful human reaction. if i see a large man running at me with a scowl on his face, it’s probably a good thing to generate a story that i might soon be in trouble. stories allow us to process and share our humanity.

however, it’s really easy to get hung up on stories that feel true, and even sometimes ones that can twist into feeling like facts.

challenge for the day?

when you notice yourself making firm statements - take a second and check. what are the unarguable facts of the situation? how about those stories? do you need to check some of your stories to be sure they’re true?

even just a quick “hey, i have a story (or if that’s too… chunky… try ‘i had the thought that’) that you’re frustrated - is that right?” can help you connect with the other person, and hopefully kill any misunderstandings before they get out of hand.

thanks for being here.