wisdom from our worst days

fuck.

what… am i going to do?

how many times in your life have you uttered that phrase under your breath?

when it all falls apart.

it’s human to experience hardship, tragedy, loss, and any number of other ‘fall apart’ moments. whether a loss of a job, trouble in a relationship, a family member coming down with sickness, a business failing, the market crashing… there are so many things that can feel life-shattering.

in the past 15 months, i’ve experienced almost all of these: my business experienced severe downturns. my father died. a friend was in a coma for weeks. i totaled my car. i lost a relationship. long-time friends drifted away. a family member experienced suicidal ideation… and many more.

it, at times, has felt bleak. it all fell apart, over and over and over.

i know i’m not alone in my experience - i’ve heard from soooo many clients, community members, and friends who are and have been experiencing life-altering circumstances that felt beyond our control. everything bad that could happen, was happening. and happening directly to them.

so, what do we do? how do we move through? how do we continue on? how do we get back to thriving?

these are the questions that always seem to arise: the answer to ‘what do i do now?’

an introduction

this spring, i set out to try to answer a question: for people that have experienced life-altering change, how did it go? how did they process these changes - gracefully, or horribly? with resolve, or by numbing? with presence, or absence? - and what did they learn?

it unlocked a thought: what lessons could we take from these stories, so that when it all falls apart (again), we’re in a more enabled place to process and move through challenges. what tools could we use?

that is what this series is about:

when it all falls apart… how do we not only survive, but thrive?

for me, and many others, the foundation starts with awareness.

whaaaaats happening?

just like lumbergh, when things fall apart… ask yourself. what’s happening? what am i aware of? how am i, really? what choices do i want to make from awareness?

last spring, i got news that my dad had suffered a stroke and had days - if not hours - to live.

as i rushed to his home in tennessee, i caught myself asking the big question: WHAT am i going to do!?

from a place of awareness, i recognized that my nervous system was shook. my anxiety was at near all-time highs. i was on the brink of spinning out.

but i caught myself and asked: what choices do i want to make as i move through this experience? one answer rang clear.

i am going to choose to not drink or otherwise check out for the duration of this experience.

i could feel that little voice in my head shouting ‘dude! this would be way easier if you just had a couple shots to chill out!’

but i also knew that given the importance of this situation: the death of a parent - that i wanted to fully experience all of it. and drinking would potentially take away from that.

as much as it sucked, i wanted to remember and be present for all of it. even the suck. i wouldn’t be able to live with myself if i missed out on something because i was intoxicated, checked out, or hungover.

so i did. and it was horrible. but i was present. i’m so glad i got to experience all of that, even as tough as it was.

next time you encounter a tough time… when it feels like everything is falling apart… ask yourself: how can i maintain my awareness and presence through this experience. what choices do i want to make?

up next:

so. welcome to a new series.

coming up, i’ll have excerpts from interviews, personal stories, and even more surprises geared toward answering the question of: when it all falls apart, what wisdom can we gain from our worst days?

stay tuned. and as always… thanks for being here.